I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
