YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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