trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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