I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
