I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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