My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
