Sry I called you an 8
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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