I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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