I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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