You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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