At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
