this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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