How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
