Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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