I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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