They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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