Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We have started to decorate penises.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
