My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize