Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....