My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize