I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
