I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
