I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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