Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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