so let's talk penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
