I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
