I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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