Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
