So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
