i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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