Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.