i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.