i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be