all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.