You can't special order awesome
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...