Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.