Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm