what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize