Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.