i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.