Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.