That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks