every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
