I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.