i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week