Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize
Follow @tfln