So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken