She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room