"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!