Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.