I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
