I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Never let your siblings swipe right.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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