Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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