Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
