Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.