Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.