i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?