I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.