i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.