When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.