just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear