and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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