I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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