everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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