he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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