I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
