But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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