My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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