I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
there is glitter all over my balls
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
