ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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