The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
