if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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